A Thicker Skin?

I don’t understand it. Why is it when someone treats me horribly, people always have some explanation as to why they did so and why I should understand? Why are their behavior or actions always given the benefit of the doubt? Meanwhile, I’m told that I need to understand that they are really busy and not thinking, or they didn’t mean it the way it seemed, or that I just need to learn to thicken up my skin. I was just told this by a family member and I’m so hurt. Why can they hear everyone else, but not me? It hurts so much!


14 thoughts on “A Thicker Skin?

  1. I used to ask that question/those questions/questions along that line when I was younger, and sometimes to this day I still ask. I’ll share with you what I’ve realized and you then can do with it what you want. My faith, my spirituality has grown bigger as I’ve physically aged because Jesus hasn’t given up on me!! Therefore, more and more as time has passed, and I pray this will continue as life goes on for me on earth, I am able to see things from more of a spiritual viewpoint than a physical viewpoint. I still get distracted and forget and get myself into all kinds of messes, but when I DO remember, when I act from my spirit and not my flesh, using what God has taught me, that is when I succeed spiritually. I know that those who don’t believe in Jesus don’t understand why I refer to Him constantly. I know that those who believe in Him, but have rejected so much of the things the Scriptures (the Bible) says about Him also reject the things I say about Him. I’m sorry they view things this way because I’m only sharing what He’s done in my life that has helped me to change from a miserable human being into a better spiritual being who inhabits a human body. By still inhabiting this human body, I am still human. I still feel. I still sin. I still don’t understand. I still get it wrong so much of the time. If they reject my words since I refer to Jesus, they also reject who I am as a human and won’t see how often I get it wrong and how much I’m searching for the answers and for the right way to live my life. They also reject any nuggets of truth that they might garner from my words which I write from my experiences. I hope and pray that I never sound preachy or pious or come across as a know-it-all because I this is not who I am. I cannot, however, be responsible for how others see me, how they interpret my words, whether or not they reject my words or reject me. When I am rejected, it hurts!!

    I’m using these words so you’ll hopefully understand where I’m coming from and that maybe that will help you understand what I mean in this very long-winded comment!! 🙂 You know why I think it’s US who has to understand? Why WE are the ones held to a higher standard? And I don’t mean a standard set by our family, friends, acquaintances or even strangers or enemies. I think it’s because God wants something better for US and He knows the way for us to reach that “better” or that “best” that He has waiting for us is for us to change and not be like others whose actions are hurtful, hateful, mean and ugly!! It doesn’t make any sense from a human viewpoint!! Fair is fair and right is right!! Period. Yet those rules don’t apply in a world system run by the enemy of our souls!! Jesus will set the balance scales right one day, but that day is not now. In the meantime, even though these things hurt severely, and it hurts Him that we have to go through these things, we’re surrounded by those who don’t believe in God or who believe but are never willing to change their behavior by obeying God or those who are downright mean and evil. Therefore we’re going to get the short end of the stick most of the time!! It’s not right!! It’s not fair!! It is life, however. My grandma, the wisest, most spiritual person I have ever known, always said, “A Christian’s hell is here on earth.” I’ve never heard a more true statement from anyone!!

    You don’t need a thicker skin, Summer!! You need to keep your tender heart!! While it may hurt more to keep your heart tender and your conscience sensitive, it’s what God has given to you and what He uses in you to make you into the beautiful, caring, sensitive person that you are!! It’s what makes you, you!! Just incorporate into your viewpoint of life, if you can and if you want to, the fact that these people will always be in our lives for a reason: to teach us something we might not otherwise learn; to be used as sandpaper to rub off the rough edges of our vessel that God is constantly working on, when we allow Him to, so that our vessel becomes more beautiful to Him and more available for Him to use and that that beauty will shine out for others to see if they choose to look; to be an example of what we never want to become, or if they stay in our lives and never leave and never change, to be a constant reminder of who we never want to be or to become; to give us an opportunity to pity them, see how desperate their lives truly are and pray for them because there might not be another single human being on this planet who prays for them!!

    I know what I’ve said is hard to do!! I struggle with doing these things, remembering these things, fully incorporating these things into my entire being every single day, evening and night of my life because for the past 7 years of my life I’ve been forced to live beside one of these hate-filled people whose belief system is that she has all rights to everything she wants to do, how she wants to do them, when she wants to do them and that I have no rights at all!! You know something? She’s right about my rights, because I surrendered them to Jesus when I became His. My life is His. My rights are His. Everything I have and everything I am is His. When I remember all these things, which is extremely hard for me to do because in my flesh I’d REALLY like to seek revenge and force her to pay for her hateful behavior toward me, and when I therefore react in the wisdom of these things He’s taught me and reminded me about, then I can turn it all over to Him. He is then able to respond/react through me in the only right way — His way. This makes me one more step closer to being a more perfect vessel and to achieving that better, that best that He has for me. This brings peace into my soul. This brings calmness into my life. This brings healing to my hurts. This proves to me how much He truly does love me for me, just as I am. This shows me that He does indeed have plans and purposes for me which will be/are for my good and His glory. This increases my intimacy with Him. This defeats the enemy of our souls. This fills me with satisfaction, peace, joy, contentment, ease, love, freedom, relaxation. I am blessed!! And I am so much better off than when I forget and act in my flesh and screw things up big time, making myself miserable in the process!!

    That’s what I think, Summer. BTW I’ve used caps as emphasis, since I don’t know how to change them into italics, not because I’m screaming!! 🙂 I hope this can help you in some way. Or maybe it can help someone else who takes the time to read this. This is coming straight from my heart to yours, so please know I mean no offense in ANY way at all!! I don’t want to be misunderstood. I just want to help and encourage when and where I think I might be able to!! 🙂

    Sincerely and straight from my heart,

    • What a lovely comment, Kathy. Thank you so much! What you wrote is comforting and I thank you for sharing your kind words and wisdom with me. I appreciate it so much and I’m grateful for it.

  2. I’ve been told exactly the same soooo many times- it is so frustrating and I end up getting even more angry. The usual one is “you’re over-reacting” or “you’re being over-sensitive”- arghhhhh!! No, you’re being insensitive by saying that!! My skin is paper-thin and it’s staying that way!!

    • Thanks for your comment, Rachel. Mine is paper thin too, and I wouldn’t even know where to begin to make it thicker. Like you… mine isn’t changing. I don’t want it too. I just wish others would accept it better.

  3. I can’t count how many times someone has told me I am to sensitive, overly emotional. Yes I am and don’t see that changing anytime soon. You are who you are, do not be ashamed of that. If you are to sensitive, than the person who told you that needs a lesson in compassion and sensitivity. You are perfectly fine the way you are.

    • Exactly! It’s not something that can just be turned on or off. It’s a part of who I am. I wish I wasn’t made to feel like I have to conform to everyone else’s standards.

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