So, I’ve been thinking about this post for a long time now, and I’ve decided it’s time to finally write it, because I am tired. I’m tired of the bipolar. I’m tired of the anxiety. I’m tired of the OCD. I’m tired of the PCOS. I’m tired of medications and their side effects. I’m tired of sitting in my psychiatrist’s office once every one to three months, so that I can recap my life for her, and watch her write, who knows what, in my chart. And, I’m tired that my stability depends on outside forces, and not from within my own self.
I’m tired of it all, but there is only so much that I can do. I can do only what is possible, but I cannot do what I want, and that’s rid it all from my body and mind for good.
Contrary to what it may seem like, this post is not a rant or a vent in anyway. It’s actually the beginning of a release, of a different sort. After the last several days – on top of the crap-infested recent month – I’m exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically. I want to just lie down all day, and since this weekend, that’s pretty much the bulk of what I’ve been doing. But, I don’t want this. I want to feel good, and I currently feel like horrible. So, I’ve decided to finally start this undertaking, and stop putting it off. I’m hoping it might help in some way.
I’m saying goodbye to some old friends that have burdened me for too long. I’m saying goodbye to thirty regrets. These are parts of me that I can actually rid from myself. I may not be able to remove them from my memory, but I can remove them from my conscience. These have been regrets and guilt that I have held with me for far too long. Some are regrets from adulthood, and some are from childhood. But, all have held a power over me that I’m so tired of bearing. I’m ready to say goodbye to them. I’m ready to rid them from my brain’s way too cluttered attic.
So, very soon, I will begin distributing eviction notices to thirty regrets that I’ve carried with me for too many years. I’m not sure if I can write one each day, and I don’t want to place that stress on top of me. Instead of pressuring myself into an actual 30-day deadline, I am going to just say, that I will aim to complete my mission. Ok, not the most ambitious goal, but it’s still a goal. Therefore, in addition to my usual blogging, I will also work through this challenge.
My presentation of regrets will not be in any particular order. I will write about whichever ones I feel compelled to write about on any given day. I hope to begin soon. I’m not in any mood for writing a lot right now, so I’ll begin the ‘cleaning house’ as soon as I feel up to it. I just wanted to at least make it a point to begin the challenge, by announcing my plans.
My regrets have mooched off of my soul for far too long, and it’s time that they go out and find another line of work.
*If anyone would like to join me in this journey, in your own challenge, then great! If you’d like to also use the above image that I’ve created on your blog, then please feel free to do so, as long as you do not remove the copyright/credit information at the bottom of the illustration. I would greatly appreciate that, and thank you.